Who the F**K is Ryan Seacrest???

Ok, I know I'm so far out of touch with popular culture that I couldn't reach it with a map and a dead albatross, but could somebody please tell me who the hell Ryan Seacrest is and why he's famous?

As far as I can tell, he's famous for being famous.

He's not an actor. Or a singer. I think he may "host" a reality TV show or something. He may also do the odd celebrity interview before major awards shows, or something equally useless. But really...why?

He's not attractive, his...well, sort of moist and doghy. He's entirely artificial (Ryan Seacrest? Yeah, that's your real name.), completely without charisma as far as I can tell, and all-around a bad idea.

Does anybody remember when you had to actually be well-known to be a "star?" I find it hilarious how I'll pick up a People magazine at the hairdressers and flip through pages of people I've never heard of, under headlines like "Superstar Prisccilla Pointless Bares it All at Cannes!" Ooh....goodie. Who is that? And why does her nose look like it fell off and was stuck back on with Superglue?

In today's disposible culture of fame, apparently it takes nothing more than having 3 out of 5 people think you're attractive in order to become a celebrity.

Which still doesn't explain who the hell Ryan Seacrest is and why we should care.