That's what you call news?
So I went to CNN.com to check out today's news and under the "Top Stories" section was this earth shattering headline: Did Mariah Carey get married? This is a question to which I can only reply "who the fuck cares?"

In a world full of war, famine, genocide, and, well, actual news, this is something deserving of a headline?

Does anybody remember when news actually was news? I know that the quest for celebrity gossip is, for some unknown reason, huge in contemporary media, but this is the best they can come up with? What's the matter, didn't Britney do something space-worthy today? Is Mariah Carey even famous anymore? Are there people who actually care what she does? What is with this cannibalistic need to know every boring detail in the boring life of every boring person who has even the tiniest bit of fame attached to them? I really don't care who gets liposuction, has anexoria, files for divorce, is picked up for a DUI, adopts a Korean orphan, buys a loaf of bread, or sleeps through their wake-up call. This is not news. It's not even mildly interesting. It is however, sadly hilarious.

Now I admit that when I am bombarded with actual headlines (about the aforementioned war, famine, and genocide) I find myself longing for a good "lost puppy reunited with family" stories to restore my faith in the world. But finding out that Tom Cruise got a haircut doesn't work. It has the opposite effect. Instead of restoring my faith in the world, it confirms my faith in the fact that "the world" has totally lost its sense of perspective.