Friday, January 29, 2010

Unwanted Relationship Advice
God knows why, but I turned on Dr. Phil. And there was some psycho woman on the show who is single (big surprise) because she has a 20 point list that the men she dates have to fulfill. Included in this list were:
- parents must still be married
- parents must live locally
- no medications or history of health problems in family
- must be earth or water sign

and on and on.

I've seen similar lists from other people. Men's lists usually include a mandatory bust size. Women's list often mentions a minimum income.

Here's my unwanted relationship advice....get over it.

How in the world can you pick someone from a list? I can understand having certain requirements (no convicted felons) that are pretty obvious. But trying to find someone who fits every item on a "must have" list just seems like a good way to remain single. Forever.

Back when I was single I had very few requirements, and none of them were outlandish. (Like parents must still be married. Why would I hold someone responsible for what their parents did?) My list was: must have a good sense of humor, must be smart, must like books and music. I think that was it. Not out of the question, is it?

Husband is a thoroughly wonderful man and I am most happily married woman I know. But there is no way we would have gotten together if I had some ridiculously arbitrary list. While I think he's beautiful, I know he's not Brad Pitt. While he has a good job, he's not Bill Gates. He's just a normal guy. But to me, he's extraordinary. I never cared about looks or income. (Sure, he has to brush his teeth regularly and had to have met a bar of soap on a regular basis.) What I wanted was a nice guy, someone who would treat me well, someone who was funny and smart, with a good heart. And that's exactly what I found.

So, if you're looking for love, tear up the list and open your eyes. The best matches for you are those that respond to your heart, not your list.


Kittie Howard said...

Well said, Bravo! The gal who lived across the street from me never married because she had such a list. Now she's happy being miserable.

Duke said...

I have a male friend who's almost 60 and never been married because of a list. My personal opinion? He doesn't really want a close relationship so he generates an outlandish list no one can meet. I suspect that's the case nearly all the time.

A tidbit I've always found interesting concerns arranged marriages. According to what I've read those partners are just as happy, or happier, than people who pick their own mates. Not sure what it means other than parents usually arrange the marriage and maybe maturity and experience makes for good choices. Maybe it doesn't mean that at all. I have no idea.