Sunday, April 06, 2008

Gee honey, you smell swell!
I've already admitted that I don't do fashion. Well I don't do cosmetics, either. And I definitely do not do perfume. Have you noticed how everything now has a fragrance? Why? Why would I want my laundry to smell like lavender? Worse, so many of these products mix scents. Why have just lavender when you can have lavender and vanilla? That's it, I want to smell like a flower and a kitchen. The mix of scents crack me up, in many ways it's just another symptom of the over-consumptive disease that has gripped America. Why have one thing when you can have two? If lemon scented cleanser is good than surely lemon and ginger is better.

Or what about those fragrances where you have no idea what they smell like? What, for god's sake, does "mountain mist" smell like? Or "mountain fresh?" Personally I never thought mountains were all that smell-worthy, but apparently contemporary marketing executives feel that the word "mountain" conveys a certain natural freshness that all good hausfraus want associated with their McMansions. Oh, how I long for the day when my friends walk into my house and say "gee, your house smells like a mountain!" But alas, no such comment is forthcoming. Perhaps it's because we have a cat.

This over-abundance of fragrances can also been seen in flavors as well. At the grocery store today I saw some chocolates that were "French Vanilla Velvet Cremes." OK, so maybe that's just one flavor, but it's far more name than it needs. "French Vanilla" is fine. "Velvet Creme"...pretentious, but OK. But "French Vanilla Velvet Cremes" is just silly. And why would I want to eat velvet? Wouldn't that just make my tongue fuzzy?

What's wrong with good old-fashioned moderation? One flavor. One scent. Stop giving me New and Improved Tangerine Kiwi Mint Shampoo. I don't want to smell like a Kiwi. Or a Tangerine. Or like mint. I just want clean. And I don't need laundry detergent that makes my cat sneeze or my eyes water. Unscented is my favorite scent.

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