The Adventure of the Chicken Rescue
I had totally forgotten about this particular bit of lunacy...

Back in the mists of time my friends the Steves and I were wandering around Chinatown where we saw this ancient guy with a live chicken. The bird was obviously going to be dinner and Steve decided to rescue it. I think we paid $10 buck for the poor thing.

OK, now what?

Step 1: Go to a friend's house and borrow the cage that belonged to their own version of the dead parrot sketch.
Step 2: Figure out someplace where people might have chickens.
Step 3: Be really stupid and forget about someplace close, like Santa Cruz or Woodside. Decide to drive up to frickin' Placerville. Because, of course, that's the closest place to SF where you might find chickens.
Step 4: Put the by now entirely confused chicken in the cage, put the cage in the back of the car, and hit the road.
Step 5: Be grateful the motion of the car puts the chicken into a coma by about Richmond so she shuts up.
Step 6: Drive to Placerville.
Step 7: Troll slowly around looking for someplace with chickens. When you find one, park down the road from it.
Step 8: Creep up to the house like you're going to make off with their car. Try to keep the chicken quiet. Realize you're city kids who actually don't like live chickens that much.
Step 9: Throw the poor bird over the fence and run like hell.
Step 10: Celebrate with milkshakes and drive all the way back to SF.