Why bother trying to sleep when I have to get up at 4:45 anyway and it's now 2 am. It'll take me at least two hours, if not longer, to fall asleep if I can. So there seems little point in trying just to get 45 minutes of sleep. So I shall pull an all-nighter, which is usual for me, but not nearly as easy to manage as when I was in my 20s.
All-nighters are also easier when there's a goal. Studying for finals. Finishing a paper. Talking for 8 hours, lost in time, with a good friend or a new crush. But staying up all night watching movies because you know you're not going to sleep makes the time creep on. Perhaps I should write a paper just to give myself a task. "Examine the role of the voiceless woman in the novels and Dickens and discuss how the actions of his female characters either advance or hinder his plots."
I read an article last week that said Michael Jackson took up to 10 Xanax a night. During this recent phase of insomnia and my comment how I had run out of Ambien, I heard from no fewer than 3 of my friends who were concerned to learn that I take sleeping pills and were worried about my becoming addicted. I take one pill every 2 or 3 days so that I can count on a few good night's sleep a week and my wonderful friends are worried about me. I love that. Didn't MJ had friends who watched out for him? Personally, I'm touched that they care enough to poke into my life and say "are you OK?" It gives me a total warm, fuzzy feeling. It doesn't alter the fact that I'm exhausted and cranky, but it does make me all warm and fuzzy.
I have the best friends in the world. Oh, and the most wonderful husband as well.