I am the worst human being on the planet
Yesterday we took Smith back to the Humane Society. After a sleepless night and an awful morning, Forrest and I realized it wasn't going to work. I know we didn't give it much time -- but we know Cipher and she was miserable. We've never heard her hiss, snarl, growl, or spit before, but put another cat in her territory and she turns into Satan's pussycat. Both she and Smith wanted to be Alpha cats and there was no negotiation between them.
I think the big problem was that Smith wasn't our choice. We might be OK with another cat, but one we chose because we liked him/her and because we thought he/she would be OK with Cipher. This cat was kind of an accident, we took her because my mom changed her mind. And we thought it was worth a try rather than just taking her back to the shelter. But it was a huge mistake. And Fo and I just weren't that committed to having her that we were willing to put up with a few weeks/months of fighting and upsetting Cipher.
And, now that Smith's gone....we feel awful. Relieved, but guilty. I cried when we left her at the shelter and feel like I'm the most heartless human ever. We know it's for the best, that in the end she'll find her perfect home. We just feel awful that it wasn't us and that the poor thing had to go back into a kennel. Being a volunteer at the Humane Society I know she'll be taken care of, will get lots of volunteer love, and will one day rule her own household (like Cipher rules ours), but I still feel bad. It's also going to be hard going to the Humane Society every week and see little Smith in the cat room and know I brought her there.
Like I said, intellectually I know it was the right thing to do. But emotionally I'm a wreck. I couldn't shut off my brain and sleep last night....I just kept seeing that cute little pink nose and those sweet green eyes.
So, I'm the worst human being on the planet.