Tuesday, December 08, 2009

You'll Love This Crap!
The phrase "makes a great gift" in a TV ad marks the guarantee of something that you would never give nor, most emphatically, would you want to receive.

In the past week I have been told that the following makes a great gift:
- A Spongebob Squarepants Chia Pet
- The Clapper (They still make them?)
- An edible arrangement. (A fruit centerpiece that looks like flowers. Oh good, I want fruit that was cut up two days ago and has been sitting on a table for 4 hours.)
- Windshield wipers. (No. Really. Personally I think it marks grounds for divorce if your spouse gives you windshield wipers for Christmas.)
- A Snuggie. (Now don't get me wrong. I know people who own them. But really? Giving one as a gift?)

Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum are the Acura commercials. Who gives a new car as a present and can I get this person to adopt me? The other pressing question on these Acura ads is where would you go to get a car-sized bow? Seriously, I've always wondered. There is always a big-assed red bow on the car, sitting beautifully in the driveway of a gorgeous house. (These people have WAY too much money.) I've been shopping for Christmas wrap recently, I didn't see any car-sized bows. Does Acura sell them? Does it come free if you buy a car in December?

The other day I wrapped presents in order to get my gift mailing done early. And, as I sat amid the books and CDs, sweaters and DVDs I thought to myself what a boring gift-giver I am. Not only is no one, not even Husband -- who deserves it, getting a brand new car with a big red bow, but nobody is getting a clay pot shaped like a cartoon character from which you can grow vaguely creepy mystery grass.

My family is so unlucky.


FinnyKnits said...

Firstly - I own a Snuggie, because it was thrust upon me as a conference gift. It has been banished to the office where my coworker lives in it. I can say that while I did not enjoy receiving it, my coworker has certainly enjoyed it as a gift.

That said - my favorite holiday-ism is when stores advertise "One Stop Shopping for the whole family!" and then usually the store is, like, OSH or Lowe's and they suggest buying mom an OSH sweatshirt or something. Too funny.

All that is, is an excuse for Dad to do all his holiday shopping while getting a replacement blade for the mower.

Everyone I know is getting a book. Because that's all we give. Our giftees are, also, quite unlucky. Not a single Snuggie on the list.

Duke said...

Of all the horrible gifts, one of the worst are those cheese and summer sausage baskets. Now I'm usually a big fan of things to eat but mummified meat cured with more salt than you'd find at Morton's house isn't really food. You could patch your roof with that sausage.

Nothing says "you aren't worth the effort for a real present" like grabbing a pre-wrapped basket of stuff on your way out of the supermarket. If the old saying "It's the thought that counts" is true. a present like that really tells people what you're thinking.