You'll Love This Crap!
The phrase "makes a great gift" in a TV ad marks the guarantee of something that you would never give nor, most emphatically, would you want to receive.
In the past week I have been told that the following makes a great gift:
- A Spongebob Squarepants Chia Pet
- The Clapper (They still make them?)
- An edible arrangement. (A fruit centerpiece that looks like flowers. Oh good, I want fruit that was cut up two days ago and has been sitting on a table for 4 hours.)
- Windshield wipers. (No. Really. Personally I think it marks grounds for divorce if your spouse gives you windshield wipers for Christmas.)
- A Snuggie. (Now don't get me wrong. I know people who own them. But really? Giving one as a gift?)
Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum are the Acura commercials. Who gives a new car as a present and can I get this person to adopt me? The other pressing question on these Acura ads is where would you go to get a car-sized bow? Seriously, I've always wondered. There is always a big-assed red bow on the car, sitting beautifully in the driveway of a gorgeous house. (These people have WAY too much money.) I've been shopping for Christmas wrap recently, I didn't see any car-sized bows. Does Acura sell them? Does it come free if you buy a car in December?
The other day I wrapped presents in order to get my gift mailing done early. And, as I sat amid the books and CDs, sweaters and DVDs I thought to myself what a boring gift-giver I am. Not only is no one, not even Husband -- who deserves it, getting a brand new car with a big red bow, but nobody is getting a clay pot shaped like a cartoon character from which you can grow vaguely creepy mystery grass.
My family is so unlucky.